We’d been talking for a while but Jay had been struggling with the intensity of his headache, which had been going on since he’d woke up that morning. From time to time he would groan and rub the back of his head. As we talked we walked around the school, and finally we’d tracked down a First Aider and got through the procedures of getting him some pain killers. Now we could settle.
After a while, listening, I slouched down on my arm on the table. It’s odd, I often seem to end up in that position when listening to kids. After a minute, Jay slid into the same position.
“I do see how it seems to be the same thing,” I said, “how your mum taking you to live with your dad and then letting her boyfriend come back seems to be the same. But I’m not sure it’s the same thing. It could be two...”
“It is the same thing,” he said.
“...and maybe you’re right, I honestly don’t know. Maybe she was getting you out of the way and I can see how painful that is and how angry it can make you. But to me it could be that what she did was to get you away so you’d be safe. Maybe she did that for you. And then the taking the boyfriend back was what she did for her. It could be that they are the same, but thinking that is just a thought.”
Jay looked at me blankly, but did not sit up or move.
“Like,” I went on, “you know how we can ‘think’ we are leaning on this table. That’s just a thought.”
“But we are.”
“Which we know because we can back it up with evidence. We can see it, and touch it. And agree it’s there. But for our brains the thought that we are leaning on a table is just the same as the thought that this hall is full of dancing pink elephants...”
He smiled and I guessed from his expression he thought that was a crazy think to say.
“... but because there’s no evidence to back up the dancing elephants, we know it is not a true. So whereas I can see why you ‘think’ your mum got you out of the way so she could get her boyfriend back, where’s your evidence to back it up? You may be right, but what’s the evidence that makes it definitely true?”
“Because...” he stopped. His face clearly showing he could not think of any proof. “I just... know,” he said instead, but with little power or certainty.
“Like I said,” I went on. “Maybe you’re right. But I wanted to throw some doubt on it. Because you might also be wrong. You might just be making yourself suffer all this pain and anger and hurt, and you might be wrong about her. She might have got you away to make sure you were safe. Because... well, that’s a mum’s first job.”
Jay didn’t answer, but his face softened. I think he liked the doubt.
